Bye bye 2004

Ah, just had my annual bath. Feels good to be fresh once again. I must say I shall miss the family of woodlice that lived in my belly buttons. Oh the joyful moments we have shared. So 2004 has come to an end and the time has come to reflect on the highlights of this year. But not until I greet 2005 in style. Niki here I come...*misses the bus* hmmm...

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GRRR SPENT AGES TYPING THAT!!!!! COMPUTER, MEET MR HAMMER *SMASH*

04 bad 05 good

Food shopping is so easy this time of year, especially when it comes to checking the Best Before date on products. If it expires in 2004 don't buy, if it expires in 2005 do buy! With a hectic lifestyle like mine (I'll have you know I need 5 hours of lazy rest per day for...medical reasons) you need all the help you can get.

I have returned from my French, Belgian and (how could I forget) Luxembourgian adventure with plenty a story to tell. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Tube strike, delayed flight, cancelled train etc. But that can all wait. For now, an annoying and simple questionnaire...

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
James
Jamie
Mr Magic

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
I look good straight out of the shower
Sense of humor
My mind

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF
Impulse buyer
Procrastinator
Shyness/occassional pessimistic attitude

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
English
Polish
Ghanian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
SPIDERS!!!! and other icky insect-related things
Loneliness, being dumped
Boats

THREE EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
Mobile Phone
MP3 player (although it's now part of my new mobile phone)
Daniel

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
Boxers
Air
...

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS/ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT
Keane - This is The Last Time
Beverly Knight - Shoulda Woulda Coulda
Muse - Time is running out

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
Get driving licence
Get touristy in England
Eat healthily (weird I know)

THREE THINGS I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (LOVE IS A GIVEN)
Cuddles
Someone who accepts me as I am, and doesn't try to change me (manipulative bitches, stop reading now)
Fun

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
I didn't wear any underwear to my job interview..and got the job.
Does truth mean confession? I'd rather not
I just love cleaning, and appreciate your messyness

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME) THAT APPEAL TO YOU
Talk about political correctness! Height
Hair/Face. General appearance needs to make me go wow the first time
Must be attractive enough to make single friends slightly jealous (bitchy I know)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO
Live without me Laptop *slap on wrist* sorry, I meant to say ThinkPad
Concentrate on something for more than 5 minutes.
Get to bed before 11/midnight

THREE CAREERS YOUR CURRENTLY CONSIDERING
Love my current Technical/Admin job
Possibly something in marketing?
Village bicycle (just kidding)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON HOLIDAY
No more holidays!!! Expensive tiring year for travelling.
Luxembourg (my 10 minutes there yesterday were amazing)
China

THREE OF YOUR FUTURE KID'S NAME'S
Adam
Shaun
Tamara

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Parachute jump
See my bank account in 5 figures, possibly 6
Make a mark in the world (publish a book/make a significant difference, something to be remembered by)

Hello

How far will I go for love? Tonight I found out. 48.6 miles to say "hello". Holiday tomorrow. Strasbourg (ugh, French) via Belgium (ugh, Belgians). No comment.

India

India, yes this is going to be about Indian Call Centres. You know how when you move to another country, you soon pick up their regional accent? Well, 50% of the customer service calls I make end up in India. Hmmm...

Wrong number

I think I'm going to keep a log of all the random calls I get. Each day someone calls me by accident.

Monday Hello is this Barclays bank? NO
Monday Hello Stuart, the warranty on your Fiat Punto is about to expire! I'm not Stuart
Tuesday Hi, please can you call Northern Rock about your mortgage on 0161.. I'm not a homeowner
Wednesday *girl screams* HI BECKY!!!! I'm not Becky

The annoying thing is that when I phone these companies back to see where they get their details from, they can't do anything unless they get a customer's surname or postcode. The list goes on. So far I've had 4 this week. Who's going to be next?

Distraction

Ah, a lack of posts lately. I've been pleasantly distracted.

Hi Daniel! *waves frantically*

Farewell

Hello T-Mobile I'd like to close my account.
"Let me just put you through to the cancellation team".
Hi, I'd like to cancel my account.
"Hold on, I'll put you through to the cancellation team"
But I thought this was the cancellation team, I've just been put through to you.
"No it isn't, one moment please"
*5 minutes of classical music play*
Hi I'd like to cancel my account
"One moment please"
*more music followed by another person who I can barely understand answering the phone*
"Hw cun argh hilp yah?"
Never mind

And that's why I'm with T-Mobile, so I can use the phone as an alarm clock costing £20 a month.

The Cold East

Just phoned HR to report that an employee has left and accidentally got through to recruitment: India. They transferred me to departures: Hungary. So it's a warm welcome from the friendly Indians, and a cold stern goodbye from icy Hungary. I'm so scared I might just keep my job here for life and never retire!!!

This morning I truly appreciated the fact that I have a camera phone!

Terms & Conditions

Companies like to word their contracts in such a way that it confuses the customer and benefits them. British Airways are a fan of this practice and finding out whether you are entitled to a refund as per their Terms & Conditions is a tricky one which has one them the Golden Bull award!

"CHARGES FOR CHANGES AND CANCELLATIONS
NOTE – CANCELLATIONS – BEFORE DEPARTURE FARE IS REFUNDABLE. IF COMBINING A NON-REFUNDABLE FARE WITH A REFUNDABLE FARE ONLY THE Y/C/J-CLASS HALF RETURN AMOUNT CAN BE REFUNDED. AFTER DEPARTURE FARE IS REFUNDABLE. IF COMBINING A NON-REFUNDABLE FARE WITH A REFUNDABLE FARE REFUND THE DIFFERENCE /IF ANY/BETWEEN THE FARE PAID AND THE APPLICABLE NORMAL BA ONEWAY FARE."

Hungerford Massacre 1987

Hungerford documentary on BBC 1, a mad man on the rampage shooting people. 16 killed. Two kids run up to an old lady in the park and say "My name is Hannah I'm 4, this is my brother James he's 2, mummy has been shot by a man in black, can you help us get home? We live at the house with the blue door." What would you do?

Shhhh

I'm going to explode in a minute. It's a quiet day in the office so I've just been browsing the web and listening to music. I'm in such a good mood and loving the music so much that I just want to burst out singing! But I can't :o( argh it's killing me!!!

An interesting weekend lies ahead for me in Portsmouth with Nicky's Sluts and Vicars birthday.

Modern Technology

I would never inflict a cold sore onto my worst enemy. I've suffered all week. I'm having to soak my lip 10 minutes before eating to avoid the pain that goes with parting my lips more than 2 centimetres. I can't even laugh without excruciating pain so goddam all you wonderful people at work..in a weird and twisted way.

Don't you just love Virgin Train's phone booking system? Voice activated, how's that for us Brits, bringing us into the 21st Century. Try it, it's a great laugh with an evil dictator computer telling you what to do on 08457 222 333.

Me: "I would like to travel from Basingstoke to Southampton tomorrow at 4" (it insists it has an IQ of 480 and demands to be spoken to with full sentences)

Computer: "OK, you would like to travel from Burrow on Furness to Southampton tomorrow at 4, is that right? Would that be 4am or 4pm?"

Me: "Because the friggin trains run at 4am don't they. It would be from BAY-ZEE-NG-STO-HKE at 4 PEEE-EEMM"

Computer: "OK, So you're travelling from Basingstoke to Southampton tomorrow at 4pm. Will you be travelling alone?"

Me: "Alas, I am afraid I shall be alone, perhaps you would like to come with me?"

Computer: "And can you tell me if you have a rail card?"

Me: "No I can't tell you"

at which point I'm put through to a human.

Dumb diggy dumb

This morning, it all made sense. Since Monday my tickets have been refusing to work at the train station. At first I put it down to the fact that they have just installed new ticket machines: teething problems when encoding the data onto the magnetic strip. Then on the way to work all of a sudden *click* idiot!!! I've been sticking my tickets to the fridge so I don't lose them, with magnets basically messing them up. On a lighter note, payday on Monday!