Modern Technology

I would never inflict a cold sore onto my worst enemy. I've suffered all week. I'm having to soak my lip 10 minutes before eating to avoid the pain that goes with parting my lips more than 2 centimetres. I can't even laugh without excruciating pain so goddam all you wonderful people at work..in a weird and twisted way.

Don't you just love Virgin Train's phone booking system? Voice activated, how's that for us Brits, bringing us into the 21st Century. Try it, it's a great laugh with an evil dictator computer telling you what to do on 08457 222 333.

Me: "I would like to travel from Basingstoke to Southampton tomorrow at 4" (it insists it has an IQ of 480 and demands to be spoken to with full sentences)

Computer: "OK, you would like to travel from Burrow on Furness to Southampton tomorrow at 4, is that right? Would that be 4am or 4pm?"

Me: "Because the friggin trains run at 4am don't they. It would be from BAY-ZEE-NG-STO-HKE at 4 PEEE-EEMM"

Computer: "OK, So you're travelling from Basingstoke to Southampton tomorrow at 4pm. Will you be travelling alone?"

Me: "Alas, I am afraid I shall be alone, perhaps you would like to come with me?"

Computer: "And can you tell me if you have a rail card?"

Me: "No I can't tell you"

at which point I'm put through to a human.