BOOM bang a bang

The Metro, London's free morning newspaper for commuters, is celebrating free breakfast week by giving away vouchers for a different McDonalds breakfast item each day. On Monday it was a free coffee (in went 13 copies into my bag). Tuesday: free bagel (I dragged 16 copies out of the station). Wednesday: a free slice of fruit toast (11 copies of the Metro). Today: free porridge (7 copies). Myseteriously, I've had a back ache since Wednesday. How curious.

The newspaper madness doesn't end there! I got a tip off from the lovely Emma last night that today's Evening Standard would contain vouchers for entry to Battersea Park on Saturday to see the fireworks. It's logical: 40 pence for entry and a free newspaper? or £4.00 for entry with the added bonus of being branded a fool? So off I went to the ES (Evening Standard) stall and asked for 5 copies (just in case). "You do realise they're all the same?!" the paper guy explained. I was so tempted to get out my magnifying glass (I also have a poking stick which I carry with me) and show him the inconsistencies between the papers. On Wednesdays the ES comes with a Homes & Property section, but as I was only after the voucher I declined to take it saying "keep it, you might need it". What I meant was he could run out of them and the one I leave could go to a customer who wants it, but it came out as "you're trying to make a living off of selling newspapers, you're going to need to find a house". I only realised the magnitude of my error the moment the last word slipped out of my mouth.

My tube journey home was surreal. The lady sitting next to me was giraffe necking my paper so I turned to her and asked "do you want to read it?". After all I just wanted the voucher and had 4 more copies of the same paper in my bag, which I explained to her. Out came the voucher and she was very appreciative of the fact that I had given her a paper. I felt warm and fuzzy inside, like santa. A few minutes later I caught the guy sitting opposite me staring in my direction, so once again I offered him a paper. However, now his intentions became apparent; he was peering at me over the paper. It's nice to know that newspapers are the perfect fashion accessory for perverts.

Today was actualy rather an eventful day. There's so much to write, yet my inability to stay awake hinders me from sharing some glorious experiences with you. So I shall merely touch on them *insert picture of me touching people/things I've seen today*.